oh sweetie
I didn't tell you everything
I promised myself I wouldn't go inside.
I told myself no makeup this time.
He would be there, no doubt. But it wouldn't matter.
Because sweetie, it's over.
I even left the car running, I ran in to find you.
We weren't even alone, sweetie. Believe me.
Did I tell him I was unhappy.. Yes.
Did He tell me he didn't want anything to do with me.. Yes.
Did I tell you he imagined me showing up with him sudsy?
I looked for you, but you had left.
He was there, and there were butterflies.
I tried to have him want me, and tell me the truth.
I know he wanted it. He just started lying.
I didn't tell you he held my breasts in his hands.
That he got hard and asked me to touch him.
I hate that. All of it. I wanted to be powerful.
I've never given in like that before.
But it's over.
And now he's fucking some other girl.
I know he wonders, I wonder.
hmm....

He has a girlfriend!
A girlfriend! Is in a RELATIONSHIP...
BASTARD..For hurting me.
I HATE to say that I'm ruined.
But I'm ruined.
DAMMIT!
Why wasn't I enough?
???????????????????
What could she possibly be that I'm Not?
DAMN BASTARD!

I hate..

I HATE that i just bumped into him. and i hate that his sweet little boy said hi to me. I hate that just seeing him brings on this chemical reaction to just start balling. I don't think it's just the thought of him. But who he is. I feel powerless around him. That if he said to me today... leave and be with me, i would be there in a heartbeat. Those fucking butterflies that i never ever feel anymore are exsistent with him. I hate that I have to feel guilty. Sometimes i hate this is my life. That I have to stifle my true feelings because there wrong. Sometimes I'm a liar and me life is a lie. And I just want to go to him, and have an abusive violent relatioship with him. That would be happiness for me. I'm Fucked.

Thursday Night Reading Club

I've been wanting to blog again. Needing to let my feelings out somewhere that no one knows me.
And to give this blog some purpose I decided to do a thursday night reading club. Which is Anna Karinina. It's an awesome fast paced book, a little long at times but a literary classic. I remember when i started to get into reading books i thought, "wow, I feel starter all of a sudden". So to give yourself a self esteem boost. READ A BOOK. And if possible where fake glasses when doing so! You'll feel smarter and more educated in no time. Wondering which book to choose? You can follow me and my reading of Mrs Anna. Or find out for yourself.. analyze what you enjoy watching on tv. and find find something along the same lines. Anyways... I look forward to blogging ALOT in the future. Even just for me :) Write soon.

Mrs Holly GoLightly